I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
