I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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