she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
