i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
