just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
