I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
