Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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