fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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