You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
