this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
