I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
