i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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