You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
