I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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