were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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