You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
