Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
