Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
