Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
