if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
