hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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