This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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