the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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