Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
