so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im part way to drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need water and some morals
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
