I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The air was thick with penises
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
