So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
