did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
