what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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