trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
