he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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