I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
