North Korea, Best Korea!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
