woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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