Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
