Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
