Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
