cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
