He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
