i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
