I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
