I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
