he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
