And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
