I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
