How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
