textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
