I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
