y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
