woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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