why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
