im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
