Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
