God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
