I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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