Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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