We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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