Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
