Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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