her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
